CE-Oh no he didn't! Part XII - Kiloo exec extolls virtues of crack cocaine business model

We usually don't have to wait long for some tech industry exec to give us new fodder for CE-Oh no he didn't!, and Karl Woods, pusherman/Executive Vice President of sales and marketing for mobile developer and publisher Kiloo delivered the goods earlier this week. He decided we should witness the strength of his street knowledge by comparing his job of marketing mobile games to, and we're quoting here, "the crack cocaine model." (Could someone tell him that his company is named "Kiloo," not "Kilo"?) Says Woods:

"You offer the customer a free rock, and they get hooked. That's what we're going to have to do with the 90 per cent. But everyone has to do it, the whole industry has to try and crack this, or we'll just keep fighting over that 10 percent."

We feel you, Karl. All the crackhouses on our block learned years ago how to stop fighting over that 10 percent and go after the mass market.

[Via MoCoNews]

[Jason @ Aug 22nd 2006 1:20PM]

I hope that their customers realize what a low opinion suits like this guy have of them.

"Hey little boy, you're just like a little crackhead running around, now buy this crack so I can get a new Porsche!".

The funny thing is this guy probably couldn't survive in "the hood" for more than 30 seconds without a bodyguard.

[Fuzz @ Aug 22nd 2006 2:01PM]

Hmm. .has it ever crossed his mind that 90% of people don't want to play games on a tiny little screen with crappy cramped controls? Maybe they just want to use their phone for, oh I dunno . . phoning people? Not everyone likes crack Karl, no matter how much free crack you give them.

[Jjeff @ Aug 22nd 2006 2:16PM]

I've never heard of a drug dealer giving freebies out. I think the "first one's free" business model is BS made up by the anti-drug propaganda machine along with the "you're hooked on the first rock" and, "crack will kill you the first time you smoke it" BS.

Back on topic, I tried to do the whole "games on a phone" thing and it's miserable. Certain games work on a mobile phone but nothing action-oriented. I'm a fan of converging devices but the only way to get a phone that plays games requires a dedicated add-on like the Freedom Input gamepad which is LARGER than most phones and only works on Symbian/Windows Mobile or something like the nGage which everyone hated.

[Nev @ Aug 22nd 2006 2:19PM]

Funny as it may be, it is an accurate analogy. Just look at WoW, I wouldn't be surprised if Blizzard hired crack dealers to work with their marketing tems...

[odell @ Aug 22nd 2006 2:26PM]

He's a free idea: I think the only games that will really be successful on phones are the ones that require a minimum of button-pushing. You use a phone in one hand, you game with one hand. That way, they're both easy to play on the platform, and easy to understand for people who don't game at all, or only very casually.


See: Tower Blox, Bejeweled, Mini Monkey Ball, etc.

[detroityianni @ Aug 22nd 2006 2:34PM]

ive lost my house..my family..my job... i was fired for spending too much time on the toilet in the office playing my free mobile games..

[juv3nal @ Aug 22nd 2006 2:36PM]

"You offer the customer a free rock, and they get hooked."

Yeah, maybe. But that's because it's crack. Free poo isn't going to hook anybody.

[LH @ Aug 22nd 2006 2:44PM]

This is a rip-off of a piece I wrote almost ten years ago, which was meant to be very tongue-in-cheek. I feel violated.

[AbbydonKrafts @ Aug 22nd 2006 2:51PM]

The "first one's free" model is actually out there. The smaller dealers do it all the time. I know because my brother got into drugs that way. I don't blame the model, of course, just him.

What's wrong about this is the fact that the CEO compared it like his product is even remotely mind-altering like drugs and that people will get addicted. I'll stay away from that company. I only play puzzle games on the phone at places like a doctor's appointment or in the line at Best Buy waiting for the day-after-Thanksgiving sales to start.

LOL, detroitianni. That was a good one.

[joe sullivan @ Aug 22nd 2006 5:58PM]

and exactly what part of his statement is wrong?

[@werk @ Aug 22nd 2006 6:02PM]

These Snakes are on Crack!

What time are you leaving Kalpesh?

[Donna Knight @ Sep 5th 2006 1:23AM]

I don't see anything inherently incorrect about his statement (albeit politically incorrect). While there are other ways he could have made his point, you probably wouldn't have remembered it if he worded it some other way.

It's true that games can be as addictive as a drug, (I've been there...with games, I mean, not drugs) but playing a game on a tiny cellphone is a whole other matter. Beware repetitive strain injuries!